Dealing with Feelings of Failure and Comparison

Comparison is an innate part of human nature. But with the world of social media giving us an open glimpse into the perfectly painted pictures of people's 'reality', it's become too easy to mindlessly compare our successes, physical appearances and accomplishments to others.

This culture of comparison can be detrimental and damaging to our sense of self-worth and self-acceptance when this pressure manifests into dissatisfaction, envy and low self esteem.

Our Mindset Coach Alexis shares her advice on how to stop these obsessive comparisons, and transform your feelings of failure into a positive prospect of motivation and drive. Take it away Alexis.


When you read this word, what does it make you think of?

What do YOU consider failure to be?

If you don’t get clear on this answer, then you will find it hard to change these feelings within yourself.

  • Is it when you don’t achieve what you set out to do?

  • Is it when someone did better at something and got what you wanted first?

  • Is it that you are slower than what you thought you would be at reaching a goal?

All these things are a part of life, and are also something that everyone has experienced at some point in time.

So if you consider these things to be failures, and that feeling then causes you to feel flat and give up, then EVERYBODY in this world would have given up doing what they are doing, and it would be a very different place.

A change of perspective is what you need to take on!

So what can failure be?

In my opinion, the only time I freely use that word is when I didn’t do something I wanted to do. When I failed to take action, I failed to give it a try, or I failed to put myself on the line and take a leap.

Why do I consider that to be a failure and not the other things I mentioned?

Because failing to take action is something I can regret. TRYING something, and it not working out is not something I can regret.

If you try something and it doesn’t work out, you are not back to square one (even if it feels that way).

You have learnt valuable lessons, you have gotten stronger, more resilient and the next time you try something, you will be better equipped. It is not a fail! 


If you are participating in a Challenge, and you see others hitting their goals faster than you, REMEMBER - they are not highlighting what you have not achieved. They are expanders, showing you what is possible to be achieved!

The same goes with jealousy or comparison. If you find yourself feeling jealous of what someone has, or what they can do, I would challenge you to go out of your way to compliment them, talk to them or get to know more about them. The more connected you become, the better you will feel.

It’s hard to feel negative when you give someone a compliment and make their day.

I promise you will instantly feel better because you will feel more connected, and you will see the person that you envy as a HUMAN, and will realise that it is possible for you too.

The opposite of this is separating yourself from those you are jealous of or competing with. This distancing will cause a feeling a divide and disconnection, and in-turn then feeling hopeless and resentful because of that. 


 My biggest tip to overcoming feelings of failure is to remove your emotional attachment to outcomes that are not in your control.

When we become too attached with achieving that win, or beating someone else, or getting that job over the other person, we make that a part of who we are. It becomes attached to our identity.

So if we DON’T get it, we end up feeling horrible because it feels like we have lost something that was a part of us or meant for us.

You should only ever attach yourself to what is within your control. Every time other people or other peoples’ performance is involved, then you cannot control the outcome.


Remember to always keep your focus on your own internal goals, your own wins, and your own PBs.

If you can be motivated by improving yourself no matter how well others do, vs feeling motivated because you are better than someone else, you will overcome these feelings of failure.


If you can change your perspective on these few things, then your actions will change too.

Instead of feeling defeated or unable to continue because you are unmotivated, you will find ways to feel driven because you have changed what you look at, or what you are perceiving.

Once you change that, everything else will change too, and faster than you think!

Big Love,

Mindset Coach Alexis xx